He Always Makes A Way (from Becs)

The phrase, "calm before the storm" is only too fitting for my current state. Up until this week, in preparing for my 20 day/20 night course, all arrangements were going almost too smoothly. Quantity of gear, food, travel itineraries etc. seemed to be coming together like butta. Then suddenly this Tuesday, every area that seemed concrete became fluid and constantly changing. 1 of our girls informed us that after going in for her physical, her doctor told her she had acute patella femoral syndrome, most likely caused by the heavy amount of mileage that Kenzie clocks every week. She called this morning confirming that she wouldn't be able to come this year. Our girl Maddie from Australia has a severe case of influenza. She is supposed to fly to the States on Sunday (our Saturday) but right now her condition is such that flying across the world would be extremely detrimental to her already fragile health. We are still waiting to hear her final decision on attending the course or not. Also on Tuesday, two girls from Colorado Springs signed up to go. Their mom was desperate for her oldest girls (Alyssa-15 and Bethany-17) to experience our Father's love in the context of the wilderness. However, funds are low, finances are tight and there seems to be a small possibility that they will actually come out on course. It is a week before the course leaves and there is too much chaos, too many unanswered questions, and too much desperation in my spirit to know what to do really. Limbo. I am in serious limbo. I love and hate when the Lord leads us through a season or experience that necessitates and demands full dependence, reliance and trust on Him and His proven character.

I received an encouraging email yesterday that sums up the state of my heart as well as gives me truth and peace to rest in:
I had a vision of a work of the enemy that comes like a whirlwind or tornado. There are darts and arrows in the force of the whirlwind that are designed to pierce those who are caught in its storm. The purpose of this attack is to bring fear, confusion and a sense of helplessness. You can recognize this work by the chaos that tries to engulf your mind and emotions. Refuse to succumb to this force of darkness, and stand firm in your faith that I am with you to bring you through to complete victory. Stand still and see the deliverance that I will bring forth, says the Lord.

Attached to this word was Exodus 14:13-14. "Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

Early in the passage the Israelites were complaining to Moses because the Promised Land was not what they expected. Even though they had been delivered from the Egyptians, the aftermath and desert state they were in caused them to complain and question whether God was truly sovereign.
---this passage could not be a better description of how I catch my reaction towards His works and provision. The Lord is so faithful, His mercies are new every morning, His plans are to prosper and not to harm, He wants to give us a hope and a future, our current sufferings are nothing in comparison to the surpassing glory that is in store, He gave His own son over to death on a cross for ME. All of these blessings, and yet I still question the Lord when, a week out from my course, everything seems to be falling apart and impossible to put back together.

I told my co-instructor that I've been praying for an increase in faith, so this whole situation was my fault :) I continue to trust in the Lord, His timing, and that He is completely capable of making a way when there seems to be no way. My heart is desperate for Him, desperate for His living water and bread of life. I know he will not disappoint nor forsake. But walking this faith journey out, in more areas than I have alluded to in this post, is more painful and exhausting than I could've prepared for. My flesh is weak,  but thank the Lord that His strength is NOT subject to change nor determined by my lacking and falling short. The Lord is good. And being sanctified daily is worth it. He is worth it. It is no cost to die to myself everyday. Because where there is death there is also life. Death unto life. Kumbaya.

Major tangent: I received my ice axe yesterday. It is beautiful, and I wanted to share my excitement with you.